Before I Forget

I keep telling myself I will write things down... these moments that come and go so quickly and I feel like I'll never forget. But I will forget, or I will write. So, write it is. :) As I type, my two year old daughter Ella Joy is sitting next to me on the couch with four washcloths piled on her head (a "hat", I'm sure), a pink binky in her mouth (yes, she's too old, and no, I don't care) and dolls from her dollhouse in her hands, as she watches Toy Story for the thousandth time. We bought her the dollhouse for her 2nd birthday, on August 22nd, 2010. She loves it.

Ella is really into Toy Story, but she's recently opened her heart and allowed two new movies to take hold... Bolt and Monsters, Inc. This is just more evidence that I have indeed birthed a genius, as these are movies I would normally associate with preschoolers at the youngest. But she gets some of the humor and she loves the characters. Monsters, Inc has taught her what "scary monsters" are, and with it, a new game of scare Ella! She says "Mama, I caaared. Daddy, I caaaared" as she pulls the blanket over her head. Then she giggles until we ROOOAR at her and jump on the bed and tickle her til her laughs turn to gasps for air. A few seconds to recover, aaaand.... she's "cared" again.

Last night, she was laying on the living room floor in her Disney Princess sleeping bag (garage sale- $3- thank you, Nana!) and she looked at me and said, "Mama, will you wahr me?" After me asking her to repeat herself several times, and saying aloud "What on earth is wahr me?", I realized she was saying "roar". OH! She wants Mama to scare her! And so I did. Roooar! The things she says, they just melt my heart. She is a miniature adult in so many ways. Lately, she's been saying "I have good news!' about everything. Of course, half the time there's no news to follow that proclamation, but just the fact that she says it, that she picked up on such a phrase, makes me marvel at her mind and how it must constantly be taking in new information.

Sometime in mid-April, things are going to change in a big way. Ella will have a little brother or sister and she won't rule the roost anymore. I've joked for a while now that she needs to be de-throned (my girl is very sweet but she's got more than her share of spice)  but more than anything I hope that she never feels like she's any less special or important to me than she is right now. Really, the change isn't waiting til mid-April... it's already happening in a lot of ways. I'm only 8 weeks pregnant but with this nonstop nausea and fatigue, my big girl is already having to learn to grow some thicker skin and share Mama, even if it's with the couch and not another baby yet. It makes me sad in a lot of ways, because I did not factor in the changes that would happen this early on. My Mom (Nana) is constantly reassuring me that Ella is just happy Mama is home with her, and she won't remember me being sick and out of whack for a few months in the grand scheme of things. And she's right, of course... but with the combination of hormones, emotions, and the fact that my girl has been our life for the last two years, I can't help but feel a little uncertain about the changes ahead and how they'll affect her.

Speaking of hormones, I'll change the tone a bit here and leave you with a funny story (another thing I don't want to forget but probably will) that happened last night. Let me preface it a bit... So, I am a bit of an emotional person to begin with. When pregnant women joke at how they tear up at Kodak commercials and Hallmark cards, I laugh aloud but inwardly think "Isn't it normal to do that all the time?" Yeah, it doesn't take much for these eyes to get teared up, and thankfully it's more often tears of happiness than sadness. HOWEVER, when this basket case is pregnant, you can just forget it. Basically, I'm a mess for nine months, and the few following pregnancy too, for good measure. Now, on to my story...

Last night, I had one of those "get out of the house for some alone time" evenings... pure bliss. Armed with a grocery list and a purse full of coupons, I headed for Target- not just any Target, mind you, but the BIG Target at Cascade Station, the one that makes me giddy with joy because it just has SO DARN MUCH to it, and clearance out the ears on a consistent basis. I was already feeling that happy high of anticipation, wandering the aisles with my cart. I don't even have to buy anything. Simply viewing fabrics, patterns, colors, ideas, inspirations- it brings me a sense of life and creativity. But this time, I planned to fill my cart with some pretty amazing grocery deals I'd found online. Imagine my surprise when I pull up to the store and see all these beautiful fruit and vegetable decals covering the doors, and the signs underneath them: Fresh Produce, Coming in September!

So, naturally, my response was to cry. I cried. Full on tears in my eyes, spilling over my eyelids as I grinned stupidly and began to giggle. I mean, this is big stuff! Produce! At TARGET! Oh, man. And as I cried, I began to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the fact that I was crying about broccoli. Then I couldn't stop laughing, so I had to call my husband Stephen and share this ridiculous moment with him, just to show him how emotionally insane this pregnancy was making me! I was only a *little* offended when instead of feigning surprise, he just said "Yep" with this "You didn't have to explain that to ME" tone. (I'll save the OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER story because he washed Ella's new red and white shirt in WARM water for another day. I mean, come on... new red shirt, warm water- arrrrgh!!!!)

Well, maybe you'll appreciate the humor of the story a bit more than my husband did. At that point, I think he was just relieved that the emotions had caused me to laugh instead of going postal. And, for the record, my joy was short lived. Target has great prices for pantry items, but meat, dairy and produce? Not so much. But I hope that's the point of my blog... to help me share and remember all the joy I find in small things, however fleeting the moments may be. This stuff is just too good to forget.